moved to coalbee.tumblr.com

god bless america

so, i’m way behind schedule on this “novel”.  i had an idea, scrapped it, starting running with another, and eventually abandoned that for a plot line created around a dream i had about reptiles and small, cramped kitchenettes.  would you like to read the first paragraph(s)?  here you go:

a fucking crocodile.  in his kitchen.  there was, inexplicably, a full grown, living, breathing, hissing crocodile, posed in what he assumed to be it’s attack stance, on his kitchen floor.  he looked at the clock:  8:46 a.m.  today was probably not going to be a good day.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

otto was a simple man.  he worked retail. he had tried community college (for just under one quarter of a semester) and dropped out, after receiving what he considered to be a lucrative business proposal from a former roommate.  $5,286 and a less than respectable rapport with local bar owners later, he accepted a position in mediocrity, which just so happened to be located in the westernmost wing of his local mall.  he printed t-shirts, hats, mugs and mouse pads, and in his tenure with the company, had become quite skilled at doing so.  he worked 9-5 monday through thursday and 10-noon on saturdays, fullfilling the required 32 hours to recieve health insurance at a discounted rate and his quota for social interaction.  some saturday afternoons he would play guitar, a talent he lacked but perservered in never the less since before he could remember.  he could play the opening bars to “lightning crashes” and not much else.  his hair was long. not dark, not light, overwhelming nondescript in style and texture.  he wore corduroys.  he drank water.  otto was everyman.  he enjoyed butterfingers’ candy bars and david letterman.  he lived in the basement apartment of a distant relative in downtown delta, pa.  he hadn’t swam since grade school, had smoked 7 and a half cigarettes in his 32 years of existance, and now there was a goddamned crocodile making it impossible for him to get a cup of coffee.

Yep, i’m doing it.  Writing a novel.  In a month.  Because i’m not stressed out enough.

This video will serve as inspiration.

hanging by the seagulls, hanging from the gallows

this time of year conjures up all sorts of awful, horrible thoughts, and also makes me extraordinarily thankful that i am where i am right now and have made some very positive changes in the last 365 days.

for starters, there’s april.  what would i have done had i not met her?  god only knows.  things were dark.  much more dismal than i’d like to think.  she was a beacon, and helped me correct a lot of wrongs i’d committed up to that point.  it’s hard sometimes, nostalgia proved to be very a very difficult bag to carry in this relationship.  there were still decomposing corpses in my closet. and clearing them out has taken some effort, but thankfully she has stuck by me throughout. she’s one tough broad, and will probably punch me in the throat for calling her that.

i’ve been dreaming a lot about my dad again.  it’s different than last year; a lot of these dreams evolve around the idea that he is in fact still alive.  he’s still mute, which has been the most frustrating recurring theme to these nocturnal hallucinations.  i just want to hear his voice, his peculiar cadence and intonation.  it’s a strange sensation; i can remember his cough, and his laugh, but not the sound of his voice.  most of the dreams involve us sitting in his old buick regal, t-tops down, and he’s trying to speak but nothing comes out.  it’s hard to commit this to page. i did not hear my father speak for the last two weeks of his life.  and that’s haunted me ever since (and likely for the rest of my life).

i’m not as close to my immediate family as i once was, or really would like to be.  i’m missing out on my nieces pre-teen-hood, i miss babysitting her and fighting over whether we were going to watch blues clues or dora the explorer.  she was so close to dad.  heather wasn’t around much, and only came to mom and dad when she needed a sitter. but elisha grew up hanging out with dad, and i hope to god she remembers him when she’s older.  she truly was the apple of his eye; he adored her ferociously.  it’s hard to think about my unborn child(ren) never getting to know him.  he was so giving, and passionate, and those are qualities that without him i fear i will not be able to pass down.

mom’s doing her own thing.  she’s dating again, and working (which she never did while i was growing up).  she’s making mistakes, and hopefully learning from them, but i can’t be there to support some of her decisions.  that’s a hard pill to swallow, too.  she needs a friend right now, and i can’t be that to her.  she has to figure things out on her own, and while i’m there to offer some advice and insight when she really needs it, i can’t be there for her 100%, 100% of the time.  she needs to learn how to live without dad, to be self-sufficient and responsible without someone to catch her when she falls,  it’s a harsh reality on both ends, but i suspect it affects me more than her.  i can’t blame her for it though.  she met my father when she was 16 years old and spent the subsequent 33 years with him.  i can’t even fathom what that must be like.  she’s rediscovering who she is without a safety net, and i give her infinite kudos for showing the strength she has thus far.  i know she’ll never be the same person she was 10 years ago, and it would be selfish of me to push her towards that.

ultimately i realize that this will all soon pass.  the anxiety of fall always slows down and eventually comes to a complete halt as the holidays draw closer.  but for right now, for today, i am immersed in these memories, and for once i understand and embrace them.  the seasons change.  we grow.  and i’m okay with that.

Since it wouldn’t be me without coming across as a total hypocrite,

You can stream the new Fucked Up record, The Chemistry of Common Life, FOR FREE here!

So, so good. It’s refreshing to hear a progressive hardcore album from a band that actually still plays hardcore. Makes me want to go back and listen to My War.

Sike, I always want to listen to My War.

p.s. this Rhapsody music player sucks!

I get so excited

I Dont Wanna Know (Where You Been Tonight) – Gentleman Jesse

I keep coming back to this record, and every single time it comes up on my iTunes i get super excited.  Sonically it transports back to times that i recall very fondly, picking up that first The Jam record at Soundgarden with Nate and making a tape out of it so i could listen to it on the bus on the way to school (i hated using portable cd players.  I probably spent more money transferring cds to tape in high school then i did on the actual cd’s.  thanks you, steve jobs), around that same time discovering Ted Leo and Chisel, emulating Ian Svenonious and being way, way too awesome for only being 15.  It was when i still got excited about music, and actively sought out physical recordings, and would spend hours rummaging through the crates at various record stores listening to anything that looked even remotely interesting.  The digital age has aged me (har har har).  When i discovered the internet i became instantly disconnected from reality, and this new found accessibility to exciting and interesting music made it less mystical and eventually dulled it so much that i lost interest.  But not this album.  It makes me think about Aaron, which is strange because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have loved it as much as i do, but there’s something here that connects me to that period of time.  And it gives me hope, and excites me, and inspires me.

Good job, Gentlemen.

Hey vh1,

What the fuck??

This week, vh1 is airing a countdown of the 100 greatest Hip Hop songs of all time.  Here is what they came up with:

100 Biz Markie – “Just A Friend”
99 Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz ft/ Ying Yang Twins – “Get Low”
98 Warren G ft. Nate Dogg – “Regulate”
97 Eve – “Who’s that Girl”
96 DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince – “Parents Just Don’t Understand”
95 L’Trimm – “Cars With The Boom”
94 Master P ft. Sikk, Fiend, Mia-x and Mystical – “Make ‘Em Say Ugh”
93 N.E.R.D. ft. Lee Harvey and Vida – “Lapdance”
92 Yo-Yo – “Can’t Play with my Yo-Yo”
91 Chamillionaire ft. Krayzie Bone – “Ridin’”
90 Pete Rock & CL Smooth – “They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y)”
89 Cam’ron – “Oh Boy”
88 Jungle Brothers – “What U Waitin’ 4″
87 Wyclef Jean ft. Refugee All Stars – “We Tryin’ to Stay Alive”
86 Heavy D. and the Boyz – “Now That We Found Love”
85 Black Star – “Definition”
84 UTFO – “Roxanne Roxanne”
83 2 Live Crew – “Me So Horny”
82 Chubb Rock – “Treat ‘Em Right”
81 PM Dawn – “Set Adrift On Memory Bliss”
80 Three 6 Mafia ft. Paula Campbell- “Hard Out Here For A Pimp”
79 DMX – “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem (Stop Drop)”
78 Arrested Development – “Tennessee”
77 Cold Crush Brothers – “Cold Crush Bros. at the Dixie”
76 Big Punisher ft. Joe- “Still Not A Player”
75 Lil’ Kim ft. Lil’ Cease- “Crush on You”
74 EPMD – “You Gots To Chill”
73 Black Sheep – “The Choice Is Yours”
72 J.J. Fad – “Supersonic”
71 Whodini – “Freaks Come Out at Night”
70 3(rd) Bass – “Pop Goes the Weasel”
69 Common – “I Used to Love H.E.R.”
68 T.I. – “What You Know”
67 Mase – “Feel So Good”
66 House Of Pain – “Jump Around”
65 Spoonie Gee and The Treacherous Three – “Love Rap”
64 The Roots – “What they Do”
63 Kid ‘n Play – “Rollin’ With Kid N Play”
62 Digable Planets – “Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)”
61 Slick Rick – “Children’s Story”
60 L.L. Cool J – “I Need Love”
59 Ol’ Dirty Bastard – “Shimmy Shimmy Ya”
58 Ludacris ft. Shawna- “What’s Your Fantasy”
57 Big Daddy Kane – “I Get the Job Done”
56 Busta Rhymes – “Woo-Ha! Got You All In Check”
55 Terror Squad ft/ Fat Joe and Remy – “Lean Back”
54 MC Lyte – “Cha Cha Cha”
53 Lox ft. DMX and Lil’ Kim – “Money, Power, Respect”
52 Foxy Brown ft. Jay-Z – “I’ll Be”
51 Doug E. Fresh & the Get Fresh Crew – “The Show”
50 Lil’ Wayne – “Tha Block Is Hot”
49 Boogie Down Productions – “My Philosophy”
48 Nas – “One Love”
47 Young MC – “Bust A Move”
46 De La Soul – “Me, Myself, And I”
45 Geto Boys – “Mind Playing Tricks On Me”
44 Method Man ft/ Mary J. Blige – “I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need to Get By”
43 Game, The ft. 50 Cent – “Hate It or Love It”
42 Roxanne Shante – “Roxanne’s Revenge”
41 Funky 4 + 1 – “That’s the Joint”
40 Run-DMC – “It’s Like That”
39 Tone-Loc – “Wild Thing”
38 Coolio – “Gangsta’s Paradise”
37 Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock – “It Takes Two”
36 Nelly – “Hot In Herre”
35 Queen Latifah ft. Monie Love – “Ladies First”
34 Cypress Hill – “Insane In The Brain”
33 Bone Thugs-N-Harmony – “Tha Crossroads”
32 Puff Daddy & The Family ft/ Notorious B.I.G., Lil’ Kim and The Lox – “It’s All About The Benjamins”
31 Kool Moe Dee – “How Ya Like Me Now”
30 Tribe Called Quest – “Check the Rhime”
29 Digital Underground – “The Humpty Dance”
28 Ice Cube – “It Was A Good Day”
27 Beastie Boys – “Hold it Now, Hit it”
26 MC Hammer – “U Can’t Touch This”
25 Fugees – “Killing Me Softly”
24 Eric B and Rakim – “Paid in Full”
23 Outkast – “B.O.B.”
22 Naughty By Nature – “OPP”
21 Afrika Bambaataa & Soul Sonic Force- “Planet Rock”
20 Kanye West ft/ Jamie Foxx – “Gold Digger”
19 Ice T – “Colors”
18 50 Cent – “In Da Club”
17 Sir Mix-A-Lot – “Baby Got Back”
16 Missy Elliott – “Get Ur Freak On”
15 Eminem – “Stan”
14 Tupac – “I Get Around”
13 Wu-Tang Clan – “C.R.E.A.M.”
12 L.L. Cool J – “I Can’t Live Without My Radio”
11 Jay-Z – “Hard Knock Life”
10 Kurtis Blow – “The Breaks”
09 Salt-N-Pepa – “Push It”
08 Snoop Doggy Dogg – “Gin and Juice”
07 Notorious B.I.G. – “Juicy”
06 N.W.A. – “Straight Outta Compton”
05 Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five – “The Message”
04 Run-DMC ft/ Aerosmith – “Walk This Way”
03 Dr. Dre – “Nuthin But A ‘G’ Thang”
02 Sugarhill Gang – “Rapper’s Delight”
01 Public Enemy – “Fight The Power”

And here is why they’re wrong:

I will give eternal propers to Chuck D. and crew, and Fight The Power was a great song off an an incredible record, but the number 1 Hip Hop song of all time?  Absolutely not.  I can think of several P.E. tracks that i would put ahead of that, Rebel Without A Pause being the first that came to mind.  Also, the sheer lack of Wu related tracks is baffling, outside of the Method Man track (a weak one, at that) and C.R.E.A.M., the Rza is not very well represented, and i feel like he absolutely should be.  No Ghost or Rae?  And somehow U Can’t Touch This beat out It Was A Good Day?  And One Love being Nas’ representation on this list?

UGH.  Juicy?  Really?  And Regulate is somehow behind goddamned EVE?  No Criminology?  No Duel Of the Iron Mic or fucking SHADOWBOXIN’??  There is more wrong with this list than i can even comprehend right now.  And sure, one could reason that it was based on a poll of vh1 viewers, and with that particular demographic what could i expect, but, come on.  If you watched music videos in the 90’s you should know better than to put Gangsta’s Paradise behind fucking Hot In Hurrrrrrr.

At least Ma$e made it on the list.

With heavy bias, allow me to present the track that would’ve topped my list.

all i want for christmas

today will consist of the following:

Saturday was pretty typical, April and i lounged around and watched way too much hgtv, had some sweet breakfast at her parents and then finally made it to the ergs show.  I wish i would’ve been feeling better, i kind of hung out towards the back of the hall for the entirety of their set, but they played super well and the crowd went fucking nuts.  Kids were crowd surfing on the stage, lots of fist pumping and intense sing alongs.  Got to see a bunch of people i haven’t seen in awhile, but unfortunately I lost a filling sometime last week and was dealing with the most intense toothache EVER, so it wasn’t as much fun as it could’ve been.  I’m just glad we decided to go, I missed carcass earlier this month and I’m still kicking myself for that.

Ten Car is so weird.  I felt so goddamned old.  Some kid who’s friends were charmingly referring to as “scum fuck” (do kids even still listen to g.g. allin?) threw a pint of whiskey into the street and it just barely missed obliterating my skull.  Oh, to be young and punk and carefree.

At least it’s not raining.  Also, the blueprint 3 has a release date!  December 2nd.  CAN’T FUCKING WAIT.